I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to align my fucking chakras
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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