I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
