I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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