Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
