He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage