she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.