I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.