Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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