I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
