he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
