I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
