Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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