My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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