i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
