To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
