i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
