She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
