it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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