My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
