I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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