Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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