Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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