It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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