I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
