i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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