This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There's always time for handjobs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
