Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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