Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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