I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
