you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
