everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
