I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
