Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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