it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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