You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
