It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
