ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
