so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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