we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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