my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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