We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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