went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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