I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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