So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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