4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
