about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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