Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
