that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
