My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
