Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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