We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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