I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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