Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
