she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
