fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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