Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
