His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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