He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
