i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My butt remains clenched, sir.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
