Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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