good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
