I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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