she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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