I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
