why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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