I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
