my sisters under your porch take her home
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
